Chapter 1

This is a brand new area of my life that I felt compelled to share.  I hope it blesses your heart and makes you understand that you are not alone–if you are on the same journey.

Come along, on our journey of infertility, a search for something that would work to make us go from a couple, to a family.

As I walked down the aisle toward my Prince Charming, I had a heart full of hope for our future. We didn’t know what twists and turns life would take us on but we knew we could make it through anything with God by our sides.

I am a planner. I had planned every detail of our wedding, I designed my own wedding dress, I sewed thousands of beads and sequins by hand, onto my dress….I planned it all out. That is what a planner does.

I am a planner and I have lists, not just on paper but I have plan A, B & C with subtitles, in my head & if anything goes wrong, I know what to do, to jump into action to rectify the situation. Prince Charming used to be very relaxed, days off-no plans. Vacations, for him, were decided when you got there– he thought ‘you can decide each day what you want to do’. Me, on the other hand, would research events, looking at which days would be best by location and events. We both have come a little more to the middle but I am still very much a planner and Prince Charming is very much a FRANKLIN PLANNER guy, now.

Things were going well. We had the house and our careers. We had been married a couple of years, when we decided to begin our family.

A few months had gone by and nothing.

I began doing some research and was taking my temperature and keeping records every day. A year had gone by and nothing. The fear of having a doctor tell me I would never have a child was more than I could bear. I began reading more and mapping out a 6 month PLAN. I decided to give myself 6 more months–6 more months of taking my temperature, timing, praying, hoping….for 6 more months. If nothing happened after 6 more months, I would schedule an appointment with a fertility doctor. For a planner–this is soooo difficult. You can not fix this situation, you can try things but nothing is concrete.

5 months into my 6 month PLAN, I was pregnant. I called my doctors office but they couldn’t get me in for 3 more weeks. Prince Charming was out of town. My girlfriend went with me to pick him up at the airport and I stood with a sign as he came off the airplane that said “WELCOME HOME DADDY”. It took a little while for it to sink in.

We were thrilled. We told our parents. Everyone was excited.

2 weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night, in terrible pain. I was half asleep and was dozing in and out. I finally woke up enough, from the horrible pain and walked into my bathroom. The horrible realization came flooding in- I was bleeding. Was I going to lose this baby that we wanted so much? This little baby that I was already in love with. Would I be able to tell this little baby how much I loved him/her?

Until next time….. The continuation of this story — Part 2 is up. I posted it on Saturday.

Tagged as: baby, family, fertility, infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy