Cheri Peoples


Empty Arms Chapter 7

by CHERI on February 5, 2011

 

Chapter 7

Empty Arms, Broken Hearts, Hope, Despair, Prayer, More prayer and a life of blessings.

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Follow Me on Pinterest Continued from Chapter 6

My husband had his private moments where he dealt with things but appeared on the outside to be moving on. He was trying to be strong for me because he knew how hard this was on me. I, on the other hand could crumble for no reason.

The healing process comes in stages. It is OK to laugh, it is OK to begin to heal and feel normal again. Life will never be the same, there will always be a empty spot in your heart but the wounds will not be so raw to the touch and the edges will scab over and begin to heal. Laughing, doing normal things, and looking to the future-does not mean you have forgotten about this little baby or that you no longer love that little life, it just simply means you are beginning to heal.

Chapter 7  My Wounded Healing Heart

We were in New Jersey for 6 months and then we headed back to the Midwest. My tummy would have been growing and I would have been feeling our little baby kicking but instead my arms were empty and they physically ached to hold my baby. I had not gotten pregnant during those 6 months as the dr said I probably would but I thought it probably had something to do with the grieving process I had gone through plus so much stress from moving across country, so I decided to give myself another 6 months.

We bought a brand new home and began making it “home” by giving it our personal touches. We knew which room would be the nursery. My wounded, healing heart was ready to have a baby but things just were not happening for us. The Dr had told us “Once your body knows what to do, woman typically get pregnant right away-usually within 6 months” but that was not going to be the case with us.

Time came and went month after month. We were both very busy in our careeres but nothing was happening on the baby front for us.

When we moved back, the tree that we had planted in my parents yard, before we moved to New Jersey, showed up at our house one day. My parents said it belonged in our yard. We planted it and watched it grow. With each new growth of that tree, it made me think of my little one and how he or she should have been growing, playing having fun in our new home. The tree was a comfort because I did not have a grave to visit.

For whatever reason, the Lord had just not opened my womb again. Every May that came around was tough. Not only was it Mother’s Day but it was also the month I lost our baby. It was hard knowing my baby was in heaven cradled in the Lord’s arms while my arms ached so much. We decided it was time to begin looking at options and so we began fertility treatments. Month after month–NOTHING. I wondered if we would ever be parents.

Fertility treatments really take their toll on you–counting every day of the month, the emotional toll,  plus the  physical side effects that come with it.  It had been 5 years since I had been pregnant and nothing had worked. I needed a break –I needed some time off of fertility drugs, time to just enjoy my husband, time to not think about what day of the month it was and so we made the decision to stop fertility treatments for 6 months. We decided we would not talk about it for 6 months.  After 6 months we would decide if we were going to do the next stage of fertility treatments or look into adoption and so we began our “fertility vacation” but 5 months into the vacation…

Until next time

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Deb Buonocore February 5, 2011 at 6:53 pm

How well I remember the brief time you guys were in NJ – we had common infertility issues – and enjoyed some good times. I have been so blessed to keep in touch with you and watch the growing family GOD has blessed you with through the years…

2 heather@myeverydaygraces February 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Oh dear, as a new follower I haven’t seen your book before. What a voice you are to both those of us who need reminders of our blessings and those who are struggling and grieving. Thank you for sharing.

3 Marydon February 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Oh, sweetie! My heart aches for you … I am the Mother of an angel son who was 3 1/2 yrs. old when he joined Jesus. You could have 20 children but the one loss leaves a hole the size of the Heavens forever … prayers for you, I send hugs.

Have a beautiful PS weekend ~
TTFN ~
Marydon

Giveaway ends Feb.11th

4 CHERI February 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Deb,
You were such a blessing to us and still are to this day. You will never know what a place you filled in our hearts. You made being so far a way from “home” enjoyable. You welcomed us with open arms and loved us in our wounded state of mind and for that we will forever be grateful to you and Lou.

Cheri

5 CHERI February 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Marydon,
The Lord has abundantly blessed us. I can not imagine losing one that you have held and loved–it would just be heart wrenching — to the maxium level.

I know what you mean — the edges of the wound are not so tender but the wound will never heal. I really felt lead to tell our story for others who were going through the same thing but it is really emotion for me each time I type up another chapter. I relive it all over again.
Cheri

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