Chapter 12

Not Again

Click to read Chapters 1-11

Continued from Chapter 11:

As excited as I was with my sweet little family I was not prepared to be pregnant in 4 more months so I told my doctor THIS TIME I absolutely wanted birth control before I left the hospital.

It appeared that our fertility troubles were over. After all we had not even tried to conceive our second child and we had been blessed with two babies in a span of 1 year and 10 days. Little did we know that our journey was not over.

Chapter 12:

Our 2 little guys were a year and 10 days apart.  Life was busy but fun.  We had been blessed with 2 healthy children.

My husband had always wanted 4 children.  I had wanted 2.  When it takes you so long to have one you don’t do much debating over how many you will have.  Your focus is on having one.  Now we had 2 very little ones and I was not ready to start thinking about any more little ones yet.  I adored my boys.  We made lots of wonderful memories together.

After a couple of years we (my husband) started talking about the possibility of having another baby.  It took me a little longer but the idea started sinking in.  Having another baby to fill our hearts and home would be an added blessing.  We began trying.

Months turned into a year and nothing.  One year turned into 2.  Here we were AGAIN in the infertility loop.  I tried the herbs but this time they made me very ill.  The brand I had used before was no longer available.  I tried taking them several different times but each time I would get sick and unable to keep food down for several days.  I came to a place where I just had to say “if God wanted us to have another one He would have to show us the path.”  The knowledge (about herbs and vitamins) that I had gathered to get pregnant the first time wasn’t working this time.

We were moving from Missouri to Texas.  Leaving family and friends was very hard.  This may sound silly but it was equally hard to leave our baby’s tree.  We had many wonderful memories in our home  We had brought both of our boys home to that home.  We rented out the house but ended up selling it a year later.

6 months after moving to Texas we were moving to Florida.  As we were packing my husband and I were talking and he said, “It looks like this is the family that God has for us.  I have come to a place that I am content with the  family God has designed for us.  I think you ought to go ahead and donated things.  There is no need to move them to Florida.”  I agreed that I too was content.  We were at a place of complete peace and contentment.

We were barely settled in to our lives in Florida when I found out I was expecting.  Our boys were thrilled that they were going to be big brothers.  We had realized a long time ago that our plans are not His plans.  If you remember from chapter 1–I am a planner but this is one of those things that the Lord was not going to allow me to plan out.  Florida does not have an abundant supply of OB/GYN doctors and it was going to be 5 weeks before the doctor could get me in.  I explained my history and begged but it did no good.  They were in no rush to get me in and seemed to care less that I had a history.

Before my appointment arrived I was in the midst of another miscarriage.  I didn’t understand why the Lord had brought us to a place of complete contentment with the family that He had provided for us only to have us experience another miscarriage.  I knew in my heart, that HIS plan is bigger and better than mine but I just couldn’t understand what the purpose was.

I went for a long walk one day and as I walked I talked out loud to the Lord.  Some of the retirees probably thought I had lost my mind.  I was just asking for direction.  Direction for what to do next.  We were in a place of contentment and now we were in a place of heart break.  Was another baby in our future?  If not I begged for Him to bring our hearts back to that place of total contentment.

That week, multiple times, the story of Sarah and Abraham was brought up.  In church that Sunday, then as I was doing a Bible Study.  Now I walked in the house from my long walk and I sat on my bed and opened my Bible.  I let it fall open and I began reading and reading.  As I read I came to the story of Sarah and Abraham, again.  I stopped and asked the Lord if this was my answer.  Was He telling me we would have another baby.

During that week I happened to be looking up some information on something and came across some information on other vitamins that work with infertility issues.  Most were different than things I had taken before.  I purchased some and told the Lord it was up to Him.  I told Him I wasn’t going to TRY, if it happened and we got pregnant it was in His hands.

2 months after our 2nd miscarriage I was pregnant again.  Now I had to try and get into the doctor and hope we didn’t loose this baby.

Until next time…