Chapter 2

If you want to start at the beginning you will need to read part 1 first.

Come along, on our journey of infertility, a search for something that would work to make us go from a couple, to a family.

Continued from:

2 weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night, in terrible pain. I was half asleep and was dozing in and out. I finally woke up enough, from the horrible pain and walked into my bathroom. The horrible realization came flooding in- I was bleeding. Was I going to lose this baby that we wanted so much? This little baby that I was already in love with. Would I be able to tell this little baby how much I loved him/her?

~~~

The horrible realization came flooding in-I was bleeding. Was I going to
loose this baby that we wanted so much? This little baby that I was
already in love with. Would I be able to tell this little baby how much
I loved him/her?…

I called for my husband and told him what was going on. I could tell I
was going into shock. I was cold and shaking uncontrollably. I laid down
on the floor and got my feet up on the bath tub while my husband called
and left a message with my Dr’s answering service.

My Dr was out of town, so one of his female partners called back and told
us she would meet us at a specific hospital, even though we told her it
was not on our insurance plan. Regardless that is where she needed us to
go, so we went.

We waited and waited. She never arrived. The hospital was verifying with
my husband, making sure we had come to the correct hospital. They called
the Dr and she had gone back to bed and fell asleep. She asked that they
have one of the ER Drs check me and then let me know I would need to be
in their office the next morning.

We were told that we had not lost the baby, by the ER Dr. but the Dr who
had sent us there would meet us in the office the next morning. Other than
that, we were given no additional answers to our questions. I was also
told to drink lots of water for the sonogram, the next morning.

We arrived the next morning and another of my Drs partners meet with us.
We figured the other one was too embarrassed to meet us. We had a
sonogram and saw our baby on the screen. tiny but still there, fighting.
We were more hopeful. The Dr came back in and said my blood
work from the night before did not look good, my numbers were a little
lower than they would like and she thought it was best to schedule a DNC
for the end of the week.

My head was spinning. My baby was still alive and they wanted to end it
just because it didn’t look promising. What was I to do-follow my Drs
office instructions or fight.

We walked out of the office with an appointment for the end of the week.
We talked in the car about other options.

A girlfriend, who is a nurse, would have been my first call, for a
friend’s opinion, who was also familiar with medical practices, but her
parents had just sold their home and were moving into her family’s home
while they had a house built. I knew she was busy, TOO busy for my call.

I called the Dr’s office trying to ask questions and get more info, so we
could make a wise, informed decision but I was treated like I should not
question them. I wondered if my Dr realized how they treated people
while he was not in the office.

One night my husband laid his head on my stomach and began talking to our
baby, telling him/her to fight and how much we loved him/her.

I was off work and instructed to stay off my feet. It was hard to watch
TV. Every commercial seemed to be a baby or toddler product or a
pregnancy commercial. It was equally difficult to just rest, with nothing
to keep my mind occupied, my mind could only process what was going on and go over all the ‘WHAT IFs’.

The night before my scheduled DNC, my girlfriend-the nurse called. She
didn’t want to tell me what to do but wanted to let me know from a medical
standpoint and from a friends viewpoint what was going on. She had been
struggling with whether she should call all week, and I had been
struggling with calling her and bothering her. It was the call I needed.
I was fragile and very confused, at this point. All I could think was
“how could I take my babies life, if it only had a 1% chance of making it,
I had to give it a fighting chance”.

Until next time…..

Tagged as: baby, family, fertility, infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy