If you need to start on chapter 1 you can go {HERE} to get all caught up.
Continued from Chapter 8
6 weeks after purchasing that little sack of herbs and vitamins I once again wondered if this missed cycle meant I was pregnant. When you have waited so long 1 day late has your heart clinging to the hope that maybe just maybe you are pregnant THIS time. I purchased a pregnancy test and waited to see the results.
Chapter 9- HE IS and HE WOULD BE ALL THAT WE NEEDED
I didn’t want a false positive so I waited to take the pregnancy test. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom. This was a positive sign as I typically slept through the night. I hurried to get the pregnancy test opened to take the test and then stood waiting to see the results. I stood there in disbelief. I was holding a POSITIVE pregnancy test. I was finally pregnant again.
Excitement was surging through my body. The next emotion FEAR-I had to rely on God c0mpletely and just believe that HE IS and HE WOULD BE ALL THAT I NEEDED no matter the outcome.
I had been pregnant 5 years ago only to loose that baby. We were a few weeks shy of our 7 year anniversary — this was the best gift ever.
Even though the herbs and vitamins helped with whatever my body was lacking we knew God had provided this baby. He is the one who opened my womb and allowed this life to grow within me.
I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. They got me in pretty quickly. We had all of the blood work done and we were told that everything looked good. {Blood work was no big deal for me as it had become a monthly appointment for me while going through fertility treatments.} EXHALE — I took a deep long breath that I did not even realize I was holding in. We clung to the hope that everything looked good. We hoped and prayed for a healthy baby but this was one of those things that was beyond our control and for a planner (ok you can call me a control freak) that is a very hard place to be. To just have to let go and believe that HE IS and WOULD BE ALL THAT WE NEEDED. The fear of loosing another baby made it hard to settle into the complete joy of pregnancy. I didn’t know if my heart could handle another miscarriage. I was terrified of loosing this baby.
The doctor asked lots of questions. He told me he wanted me to go off all of the herbs because they just do not know how herbs affect a baby. That was terrifying news–what if I went off the herbs and lost this baby? I didn’t want to harm this baby. FEAR once again–once again I must rely that HE IS and WOULD BE ALL THAT WE NEEDED.
I quickly became so ill it was hard to function. I had a hard time keeping food down. I am not talking about morning sickness I am talking morning, noon and night. My Dr. said that was a good sign. I wondered what he told girls who weren’t sick at all. The terrible sickness made it hard to enjoy the process of being pregnant.
I was still working (how I did that I do not know). I threw up every morning just leaning over to spit in the sink from brushing my teeth–so I would brush my teeth again, lean to spit-throw up–start all over again. I devised a way to spit without having to lean over too far–it worked sometimes. I would drive to work, run in the bathroom and get sick again. I would try to eat lunch but lost it almost every day. I rarely kept dinner down. If I kept one meal down a day I was doing great.
One night I could not stop throwing up and as I lay on the bathroom floor I asked my husband to call the Dr. We ended up rushing to the hospital. I was put on several IV’s. I threw up all of the IV’s as they were getting ready to check us out. They were not checking us out any longer–we were sent back in for more IV’s, and then finally home in the middle of the night with medicine. Even though I was sick I was thrilled to be pregnant. I would do whatever it took to keep this precious bundle safe inside of me.
Until next time…
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
OH GOOD GRIEF… you are keeping me hanging here…. 🙂 Thank you so much for the message: HE IS and HE WILL BE ALL THAT I NEED! I am clinging to that thought today! You are such a blessing to me on so many levels Cheri! Have a blessed day! and hurry and right the next chapter!!! 🙂